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:(

Two people today.

Poo on you ;]

Aha made me chuckle.

I've decided I WANT TO BE IRISH.
So i'm going to move to Ireland.
I may see about transfering from Northumbria in my final year.
That'll be EXCELLENT!

I saw Kirsty today, we just smiled at each other.
I remember the times I had to avoid her and turn my phone off 'cause she wouldn't stop calling me! Aha.

I love my madre.
I love going shopping with her.
I love it when she buys me things.
Nom nom nom.

I don't think i'm spoilt either.
If i need something and I can't afford it.
My mammy will get me it.
But to be fair.
Between the ages of 15-18 I never let her buy me a thing!
So to be fair she's making up for it ;]

Waking up

And being in a foul mood is a pet hate of mine.
I've had longer to sleep as well!
'Cause I don't need to be at work till 9.30 and i'm at a different clinic.

I'm bored with a lot of things right now.
I don't like me hair.
I'm getting bored of placement.
I much prefer working shifts and being continuously busy.
I'll be back on the wards in no time.
Back in surgery to be precise.
I do enjoy surgery.

I hate being ignored, but that's the story of my life right now.
No one ever seems to want to talk to me unless I give them a bit chat first.
I'd rather be alone with no one than have relationships built on that.

I need to decide on something to wear 'cause i'm out of uniform today.
It's so difficult.



I wonder if you're going down
Where we all know you get lost
And then get found
And then I wonder so


I can't believe that's what you said
I wonder in my sleep
I can't believe that's what you heard
can you not defeat


I know you're sleeping all alone
You feel suicide
I know you're dying to get out
But its in you deep inside

Do you feel it in your veins
The poison rushing through?
But can't you see it in your heart
I'm still there for you?

I can't take this
No, I don't like it
I don't know where you are


Say my name
You don't even know it
I am done
you sure aren't showing it
hold my hand
You know she's on the dance floor
Well I know she's dyin'
But still she craves more


You know she's dancing at the disco
whoa oh, she's dying on the dance floor

Take me to the stars.♥

Titanic is seriously a fantastic movie!
And it made me question a few things.
And I completely understand why she jumped back on Titanic after being put back in the boat.
'Cause if it was me would I jump back on the Titanic?
And the answer would be yes, i'd jump back on the boat for you.
My reason?
Because if there was the possibility of getting on the boat and dying or staying on titanic and dying, i'd rather choose dying on the Titanic with you. ;]


♥


I like when movies make you think.
Titanic does, because it's based loosely on a true story.
The titanic was real and 1000's of people died!
Also Aimee and Jaguar really affected me.
Because it was a true story.
I'd love to read the diary that these women kept!

Oh lordyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I'm canny tired.
I'm gunna go sleep shortly.

So there's chicken pox going around halls, this doesn't make me too happy.
My immune system is shit right now.
I thought I always had a good immune system, I clearly don't though.
As I have a stupid COLD.

Technically it's 14 days till I see this girl again.
Or woman, 'cause I like to believe she's older than me.
I won't see her as soon as I get there though. Daw.
Silly job.
Silly uni.
Yes.

But I have finally found an episode of vampire diaries i've been looking for FOR AGES!
Good times.

I seriously wish that this snot would stop wanting to exit my nose! :[

Newcastle.

Is the place.
I've met the best ever people!
Too bloody right!

The only ever way i'll ever move is to be with one person.
And that's Selina.
I can't wait to see her.
And be with her tomorrow.
She is the most excellent ever ;]

Irish.

I thoroughly enjoyed last night being Irish with my girl and boy.
And being green.
And drinking guinness, ;]
Loved itt.
I didn't enjoy this morning though my head hurt like a BITCH.
But it's okay I went to work and did more hands on stuff, like I changed a dressing, which i'm still really nervous at! I also rubbed cream on a patient's leg.
And now i'm back locked in my room in bed.
It's sexy.
Shame there's no one to be sexy with ;] Aha.

I can't wait for the weekend so I can go home!
Be with my mama ♥
Sort things out when I get home.

I'm still canny angry right now.
Like the more I think about it the more angry I become!
It's ridiculous.
How it's everything is always turned around to be my fault.
The fact you were the one who was being the cunt doesn't matter.
The fact that your best friend is the biggest cunt in the world also.

Let's be honest here as soon as she opened her cocky mouth that's when I think the majority of problems started.
My best friend, Olivia.
If she EVER treat anyone of my friends or my girlfriend like that, if she was ever so rude to them I would slap her.
I'd have a serious talking to her!
And we'd fall out no doubt for being so bloody disrespectful!
Respect costs nothing.
But I know my best friend would never do that.
I just know, because she's worth more than that.
There is only one other lady that's put on a pedastal as much as Olivia and that's my Mammy!

Another thing that keeps popping into my head was it even a proper relationship?
200 miles away, seeing each other for a few days every 2/3/4 weeks?
I don't know really.
And it's obvious that that's how it would have always been until I made changes to my life.

And it got to the point where i'm sick of crying, i'm sick of feeling shit about everything.
I know for sure a relationship isn't supposed to be like that.


On the positive ;)
I may have to book tickets to L7 ;)
Be a whore as per.
Ahaa.

♥

Cramp.

Is here again not playing fair.
How awful.

I'm bloody tired.
Bloody cold.
Canny hungry.

Food's in, i'm in bed.
I'll be grand.

Only if this internet stops bleeding playing up :(
Bad times.

I also realised that i'm not going to let some insignificant person bother me anymore.
Like I don't understand who she thinks she is, but she can do one.
It's just unecessary.
I'd hate for my best friend not to be supportive of my relationship.
I'd kill her actually.
But this is not the case.
And I won't let her spoil my happiness.
Cause to be fair i'm rather happy at the moment in time in this relationship.
And i'd fight for her if I had to.
And if necessary i'd use my fists.
'Cause i'm a cunt.

I learnt quite a lot today on placement.
Yes.

So tomorrow I am irish.
I'm rather excited.
Spending it with Olivia & Bennett!
Which shall be excellenteyyyy!

;]

Fuzzy fuzz fuzz.

This is how I feel.
Bloody lovely.
Also canny chilly.
But it's grand.

Happy mammys day.
My mam is sexy.
And the best thing in the world.
I glove Selina.

It was bizarre being at work again.
I do love it though.
It's not really work.
It's good banter.
Although being told I have to work every Sunday, kill me now!
Nah man I don't mind really, 'cause i'll be getting lifts home ;D
But to be fair they're good to me so it's alright.

I should have went home tonight but I didn't 'cause I had a nap.
I was ever so tired.

This has been the most unnecessary thing i've wrote in a while.

¬.¬

Last night at work was the worst shift I have ever worked in my short student nursing career.
It was very emotional.

I'm home now.
I've just seen the baby.
Daw. He's lush, lush lush.
Nom.
:]

I do feel canny insecure at the minute.
Like little things that people say stick with me.
See it wouldn't so much matter if whoever was saying it didn't matter.
I do think people say things and then maybe don't realise I take it on board.
I know in the past when i've asked friends about things they've said they can't remember saying it, then call me silly, which again isn't too nice.
Also I think I need to bleed.
This is quite possibly my problem.
I just feel like i'm just a problem in the way.

BUT...
Daniel and Little Nic are coming round tonight.
To get as wrecked and philosophical as possible!
Fun times!

Physically sick.

This is how i feel physically sick, like i'm going to physically vomit.
It'll pass.

So this is how i'll look tomorrow:Apart from my tunic is white.
Back in uniform!
So my placements been changed, i'll be now working with the district nurse instead of the health visitor.
So it will probably mean i'll hopefully be able to practice my injection technique i hope anyway.
It should be good, although i'm back on a wild goose chase finding out where it is!
Daw.
And i'm not liking the fact i have to travel in my uniform, never mind it'll be good i'm sure :)


I never thought i'd find myself to be the green eyed monster.
But it happened and I hated it.
I shouldn't have to feel like that.
I've let my insecurities come forward.
And i don't wanna let anyone get close anymore.
'Cause it'll only end in me getting hurt and I don't think i'm willing to take that risk.
It's better to end it now.
Before I loose my bottle.

Half of me feels like i'm cutting off my nose to spite my face.
I know what I want though.
And what I need!

And they should change for noone.

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me.

I still know I don't wanna let you go.

I have seen the light.

I've finally realised how little I need or want you around me right now.
You are just causing unecessary stress in my life.

You just don't care like you used to.

I've finally realised what i need in my life right now is a good bloody textbook.
My uni work comes first this is it now.
I need to get my grades up and this needs to become my priority.
This needs to be what I wake up on a morning thinking about.
I need to strive to do my best.
Throughout my life I have always got the best result, getting great GCSE's, getting straight disctinctions at college I now need to get the best result at university.
I shouldn't just accept passing anymore.

I think i've started this tonight by completing documents that should have been completed in November.

I'm going to take on board all negative parts of my life and turn them into a positive.
If i'm not happy well then I need to change whatever is making me unhappy.
The first thing i'm going to do is stop bothering and see how long it takes till people WANT to bother with me, this'll just prove what's the point in keeping particular people in my life.

I feel very empowered right now that i'm making my own positive decisions for my life.
I think I first started thinking last night.
I don't think i've been that offended in a long time.
Especially by someone who I'm supposed to mean something to, which I don't think is the case.
But just for my knowledge.
I KNOW I have morals, standards, ethics, principles.
AND half of these are professional standards that mean a lot to me.



I'm going to build myself up for the biggest let down i'll have had for a while.
I don't want it to happen, but it's probably for the best and probably will happen.
I want someone who wants to know how my day has been and what i've done.