I love it when people call you, you answer and they ask if you're okay and they get an of course i'm not o fucking kay.

Then they ask why.

Bloody strange.

Last night was shocking, i wish i could kinda video record myself falling apart so when i feel good i can watch it back.

I'm gunna use this blog like a proper diary.

And write down everything because i think that helps.

And then once i'm over everything i'm gunna stop updating it.

I'm gunna go to the doctors on tuesday and hope to god they help me.

I think he may refer me for psychiatric help because i do actually feel insane.

Right now would be the perfect opportunity to do some serious damage to myself.

I'm home alone, but i couldn't bare the thought of failing, and i've tried and tried to do it right and i never have before.

I hope i'll get some help on tuesday to be honest :)

I have to get ready shortly because Selina is taking me to matalan to treat me apparently.

It's going to make me feel better as well.

Until i find something i really like, try it on in my size and it doesn't fit because i'm too fat?

Aha, bless my mam for trying.

My friends just said that i need sex and it'll make me feel better?

I don't know if it would.

Because would they be doing it right?

I think it might be too soon for that, but some good harmless flirty fun?

I think i could honestly deal with that.

Because to be fair, that's what she was doing throughout the relationship right?

At least i can wait till i'm single for it.