I can't eat.
I can't breathe.
I can't stop crying.
Tonight has been the worst so far.
I don't actually want to be here anymore.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't put on a face.
I feel like i'm actually insane.
So that was wrote 20 minutes ago and after trolling the internet i'm calm.
I'm gunna go to the doctors and pray to god he gives me some happy pills.
Yes the strongest dose going, i'm gunna look them up so i know what i'm talking about!
One website makes loads of sense.
So i'm gunna bookmark it and read it whenever i feel as shit as i did up there ^ ^.
I wish i could just click my fingers and be over her.
She doesn't seem to be too arsed over it anymore.
So i'll get to that point.
I'm hoping it'll only take a week or so.
What's hardest right now is that i will never see her again.
And the thought of someone else kissing her and having sex with her turns my stomach.
Seriously upsets me.
Like all i want is to be with her and for her to be big spoon and make me feel safe again :)
I know she's fallen out of love with me.
And i know that i'm just making myself look really fucking stupid.
She should be begging me to take her back. But she doesn't want me anymore, i don't think she ever did.
I'm pathetic and need to get a grip.
Tomorrow should be good, i'm gunna get dressed and make an effort when i go out ha.
I think Mike is driving here to see me, which will be proper nice.
We'll see i'll proper cancel him like i cancelled my other friend tonight.
SIGH.
My life is shit.
I'm going to try and sleep again.