It's a joke how ill i actually feel.

I think i may actually throw up or something.

Today my 'girlfriend' made me feel like i wasn't even worth shit on her shoe.

I can't help i felt ill and how you must feel ten times worse than me.

I feel rubbish.

:)

Baby mine, don't you cry.

Baby mine, dry your eyes.

Rest your head close to my heart,

Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one, when you play,

Don't you mind what they say.

Let your eyes sparkle and shine,

Never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew all about you,

They'd end up loving you, too.

All those same people who scold you,

What they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head to your toes,

You're so sweet, goodness knows.

You are so precious to me,

Cute as can be, baby of mine.

This

Is kinda how i feel now?

One day someone will find the key.

To be honest this i how i like it right now.

If i don't give it away noone can hurt it again.

But after today i don't care what's happening in my personal life.

Because in my professional one it's going great!

Now it is anyway.

7.30 - 20.45 doesn't even seem so bad right now :D

Today was awful when i saw the consultant should at the f1.

I love the f1 he is lush!

He's the cutest thing ever.

So the medical rotations happen next week and i saw one replacement and she's is the cutest thing ever.

And in her little smart outfit with the stethoscope.

I'd love to be a doctor.

I also may be in theatre tomorrow, which i love and find exciting 'cause i'm weird.

I can't wait for my sister to come up to Newcastle :D

I can't wait to see my gayboy tomorrow also :D

EE.

I GUESS

I just want to wrap myself up in cotton wool.

Suicide.

Oh trust me if i could do it right.

I would.

I love it when people call you, you answer and they ask if you're okay and they get an of course i'm not o fucking kay.

Then they ask why.

Bloody strange.

Last night was shocking, i wish i could kinda video record myself falling apart so when i feel good i can watch it back.

I'm gunna use this blog like a proper diary.

And write down everything because i think that helps.

And then once i'm over everything i'm gunna stop updating it.

I'm gunna go to the doctors on tuesday and hope to god they help me.

I think he may refer me for psychiatric help because i do actually feel insane.

Right now would be the perfect opportunity to do some serious damage to myself.

I'm home alone, but i couldn't bare the thought of failing, and i've tried and tried to do it right and i never have before.

I hope i'll get some help on tuesday to be honest :)

I have to get ready shortly because Selina is taking me to matalan to treat me apparently.

It's going to make me feel better as well.

Until i find something i really like, try it on in my size and it doesn't fit because i'm too fat?

Aha, bless my mam for trying.

My friends just said that i need sex and it'll make me feel better?

I don't know if it would.

Because would they be doing it right?

I think it might be too soon for that, but some good harmless flirty fun?

I think i could honestly deal with that.

Because to be fair, that's what she was doing throughout the relationship right?

At least i can wait till i'm single for it.